10 Years...

Today is a milestone for me and my family. I still remember with great detail the events that took place on this very day 10 years ago. My brother Jared lost his battle with cancer. My heart still aches to hear him, or see him, even if for just one second. I can't believe how the time has gone by so quickly.
I didn't think it would ever be possible to fill the void in my heart that Jared left when he died. I couldn't believe that someone could leave such a void simply by not being there. I never thought it possible to think about Jared and not break down into tears. How can it be that I haven't seen my brother in 10 years? Is it possible that time REALLY does heal all wounds? NO, it isn't possible!! Although time helps, it is not the cure. KNOWING I will see Jared again...that's the cure! I can't deny what I felt and how I felt the night Jared passed away. I was so heart broken, yet I was also comforted. I knew the Lord would never give me more than I could bare, even though at the time it seemed as though I couldn't go on. As the days passed I realized that I wasn't the only one to have lost a loved one. I became very aware of the Atonement, and suddenly more grateful for the Atonement.
I am so grateful for the time that I had with Jared. I am thankful for the memories that I have and that the Lord has allowed me to hold onto them.
Loosing my brother, to date, has been the most difficult thing that I have had to endure. It changed my life. But it changed me for the better. How could anything good ever come out of loosing someone I love so much? I have asked myself this question so many times. I even feel a little guilty at times for being so happy. But then again, isn't that what the Lord wants? For us to be happy? Even through heart ache and pain, it is possible to be happy!!! The Lord will provide a way if you let him!

So, here I am. 10 years later...and HAPPY! Who knew?!?

I miss you always Jared, and I love you forever!!!